Sunday, December 5, 2010

:: The Fun Side of Facebook Causes ::

Music: Skrillex - With You, Friends
Mood: Relaxed
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I haven’t written a blog in a while – mainly because I haven’t felt inspired to write, nor have I felt pressed to really write about anything in particular. I figure, if I’m not writing anything worthwhile (or that I’m at least passionate about), why would any one take their time to read it?

But, after the latest “social cause” to hit Facebook – and the surprising backlash I received when I called it “silly” – I wrote most of this post as a comment to a very lengthy, and quite amusing, discussion that started on my wall. Realizing a comment shouldn’t be two pages long, I knew I had the topic to resuscitate my idle blog.

I’m not sure what I’m more surprised at – The negative feedback I received from genuine friends (both in comments and phone calls/text) or how much the entire thing was taken out of context.

I don’t know if people took offense because they thought I was making fun of them, or if they’re just really passionate about changing their profile pictures. But really, my frustration with these Facebook events/chains/causes/whatever is based more on what they actual represent – which is the ability to be involved in something, without actually being involved in it.

It’s actually been given a name: Slacktivism.

To borrow a quick definition: “The word is considered a pejorative term that describes "feel-good" measures, in support of an issue or social cause, that have little or no practical effect other than to make the person doing it feel satisfaction. The acts also tend to dilute awareness campaigns and require minimal personal effort from the slacktivist.”

That really sums up why I got annoyed with the whole thing in the first place. The "movement" started off as a game, not an actual cause. It’s been going around Facebook – obviously on a smaller scale – since early November as a game to flood people with memories of childhood. Some person just randomly decided to add "this is to bring awareness to child abuse"... Instantly creating our newest Facebook “cause”.

So it's not like this is a real movement lead by an active organization that is calling people to look for the signs of abuse, or help kids who have been abused heal and have mentors or even actually do anything other than change a picture. It's just a chain letter that arbitrarily got turned into a "cause". Like every other Facebook event/cause/movement that all of us are seeing our friend’s list post on a weekly/monthly basis.

In all the power that Facebook has to offer to help make a difference in the world by having access to millions of people, this is just another chain letter with a warm fuzzy center so people feel good. Next month there will be another new "campaign" that people will "get behind" by posting a status or changing their picture or who knows what.

But ultimately, these campaigns are nothing like a real marketing campaign or political/social cause because it offers no solutions, advice, guidance or support for those who want to make a difference. You would never post an online ad for a product with out including a link so viewers of the ad (who are now "aware" of your product) can purchase that product. Likewise, you would never run an ad during the Superbowl for your new product with out giving it's name, website, or where people can buy/get/use/find your product. That is a complete waste of a potential customer/activist. Awareness means nothing if people can't/won't/don't do anything with it.

Imagine if this "campaign" had said something like,

"December is child abuse awareness month. We're inviting EVERYONE to go to their local shelter on every Saturday this month and volunteer to work with children for a few hours."

Do you REALLY think the same number of people who changed their picture would sacrifice their Saturday? Doubtful.

And that is why most of them frustrate me and I don’t join in. It’s not that I’m too cool for it or anything even remotely close to that. Rather, I feel like a hypocrite by doing so because I know I’m not going to actually do anything beyond reposting the status/update… and I don’t think I’m alone in that. Where’s the power in a Facebook update if you could instead go out and do something?

During Sisters/Brothers/Fathers/Mothers/Kids/Grandparents/Pets/Spouse Month, why not just do something nice for that person offline instead of posting a status? Obviously, people won’t know how sweet you are, but I’m sure Grandma would love an unexpected call to say hello… much more than your friends probably appreciate your post about her.

I guess my whole point is really these "movements" on Facebook actually, in my opinion, do more harm for REAL movements than they do help because people become desensitized to what it actually means to be involved. If every other week there is a new "movement" eventually people will either stop listening completely, or they'll play along but with out actually doing anything... or in this case, even knowing WHAT they're involved in.

When we, as a generation, have access to millions of people via social media - why are we choosing things like this to "get behind" when, if we truly cared about whatever it is we're promoting, we could use that same power to ACTUALLY do something? To actually create a movement with actions instead of updates? And by all means, I'm as guilty of this as anyone - which is the exact reason why I still have yet to change my picture.

To me that would be like changing my profile picture to a picture of my family's Thanksgiving feast to help bring awareness to the fact that millions of people are starving to death every year... There’s something not right about that picture. But what do I know? Maybe I’ll start a “Help Nico Understand Facebook Causes… Cause”.


I expect to see everyone’s profile picture changed to their favorite fruit by the end of the week to help raise awareness of this important movement.

Friday, August 13, 2010

:: The Arrival of Miss Lily ::


This was the blog post that Abbie wrote about the entire labor and delivery of our little girl. I thought it was well written and tells the story of how hard Abbie worked to bring this little angel into the world; so I wanted to share it with others since she keeps our family blog private. Enjoy.

It all started at 2 am on Thursday Aug 5th. Nico and I were up late and I couldn't fall asleep because my braxton hicks had started turning into full on contractions. They weren't painful but annoying enough to keep me awake all night. (Night ONE of no sleep) Hours later, around 7 or 8am, I woke up Nico, telling him I hadn't slept and that I was having REAL contractions. We decided to start timing them at 9am and found they were consistently 3-5 min apart. We were so excited, it was the 5th, the day we all thought she would be born!! It was only 10 am... we had all day to have this baby, right?

My sister, Jamie, was my doula (labor companion/coach). She stayed by my side for 23 of the 35 hours I was in labor. Without her, I don't think I would have made it as far as I did! She knew so many little tricks to help me through contractions. I was feeling pretty stinking good between surges, my hypno-birthing was really doing the trick and I felt good about the laboring process.

Duke and Gus were very concerned about me, they had to know something was going on.

Steadily my contractions were getting more intense, not necessarily closer together, but we felt there was some progression, so we called Timpanogos Hospital to see if the room with the tub was available. It was, so we packed up and left!

Feeling optimistic!

This had to be it! I was shaking uncontrollably and my contractions were intensifying which was supposed to be a sign to get to the hospital, (so said one of the midwives on call). When we got to the hospital the nursed checked and found I was only 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced! WHAT? That was not far enough along to warrant staying.


Walking around, trying to make some progress so they wouldn't make me leave.

After walking around for an hour I was checked again..no progress. They sent me home with 2 percocets to take the edge off. So we stopped and got some food before heading home (whats better for contractions and moral like Wendy's)? After dinner, hoping for some good rest that night, we all went to sleep (Jamie on the couch, Nico's mom in the guest room and us in our bed) I had no such luck with any sleep. The contractions were just too bad. (Night TWO no sleep)

After a couple hours of being in bed, NOT sleeping, I decided to get in my tub at home to try and ease the discomfort. I still wouldn't consider the contractions PAINFUL...just really, really uncomfortable. I didn't wake Nico up at this point because I knew he would need to be fully awake and coherent when we went back to the hospital. Jamie found me in the tub about an hour later with tears in my eyes because I felt like I was loosing control of my relaxation techniques..duh, crying isn't one of them. Jamie and I labored for a few hours, trying all types of methods to help me stay relaxed, focused and comfortable. I sat on the birthing ball out on my patio for a while watching the stars, we went for a 2 am stroll down my street a few times and sat in the rocking chair in the nursery..all the while the contractions were getting stronger and stronger.

We decided to go back to the hospital at 5am because I was getting really nauseous, shaking, and not able to eat anything. When we got back I was 5cm and 95% effaced! SUCCESS!! We were checked in and ready for what we thought would be a fairly quick delivery. At this point I had been laboring for 27 hours.

6 hours later, my midwife, who by the way we absolutely loved, discovered the reason why I was not dilating quickly enough, Lily was posterior. Her forehead was pressing on my cervix and not the hard back part of her head. At this point I was 7 cm dilated and totally exhausted. I was feeling a little defeated. I was given a type of medicine that didn't effect my body, but it allowed my brain to relax. The medicine was in and out of my system in 30 min. After this medicine wore off, I had progressed to an 8. Direct quote from me: "I'm done, I put in my hours!" (Had been laboring 34.5 hours) I was completely ready to get an epidural. At this point, I had thrown all my hypno-birthing methods out the window and just had to bare the extreme discomfort and fatigue. We called the anesthesiologist the room and within the 10 min he took to explain the risks, blah blah blah, I couldn't focus on him anyway, I felt the strongest urge to push. Quickly my midwife checked me and I was a 10! Before the dr. even left the room, I was full on pushing! That would have been a big, EXPENSIVE mistake to have the epidural because 1. It wouldn't have worked in time and 2. It would have cost $1500 bucks to be stuck by a huge needle for no reason.

After 35 hours of labor, 3 days of no sleep, and 8 minutes of pushing, Liliana Rose Pesci was born at 12:57pm weighing 6lbs 15 oz and 19 inches long! No one could have guessed she would be UNDER 7lbs! Nico and I thought all along that we would have a big baby considering the fact that I was 8.6 and he was 10lbs at birth.

After he saw his daughter for the first time..this picture makes me cry.

I was able to share this birth with Nico, Jamie, Emily, Mom, and Nico's mom. They witnessed the struggle and success of the labor and birth! They were all incredible supporters and I couldn't have done it without all of them! Nico was by my side the entire time and encouraged me constantly and lovingly. He was the PERFECT example of how every husband should be during labor!

This was, by far, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My body and brain far surpassed any limits I thought I had. I was an amazing experience being able to feel all parts of labor and I am extremely glad I prepared by using Hypno-Birthing. But if you asked me today if I would do it again with all the same factors in place, I'd probably say "Don't ask!"

We have a perfect, healthy little girl and we are so grateful for her. As of today, she is a week old, sleeping well and eating well. We couldn't ask for a more precious, perfect baby.





Sunday, June 20, 2010

:: My First Father's Day ::

As Abbie and I were out to dinner last night I noticed a family sitting kiddie-corner to me. There was nothing unique about them; no distinguishable features that would make you notice them more than any other family. Just a typical family of five - mom, dad, two boys and one girl.

The only thing that was different was the sudden realization that in 10+ years, that will be us... and it's something I can't even fathom. Not even in the slightest. Me? Abbie? A family of five? Or maybe even more...? Who knows what the next ten years holds. But it got me thinking... even though she's not here yet, we're on that path - no matter how odd the idea is of ever having multiple kids, it's a path we've started on.

All things considered, today is technically my first fathers day. Although I can't see her or hold her, I've got this amazing little daughter just waiting to come say hello to us and officially make us a family. To make me a dad.

It still hits me at random times - how much life has changed (in so many amazing ways) and how much it will continue to change. And then finally, how quickly time has, and will, fly by. I walked into my house the other day and I had to stop and think to myself, when did I grow up? How do I suddenly have a wife, a house, two cars, two dogs and a baby coming in August? It seems so surreal to me - like I blinked and when I opened my eyes, this is how life has always been. When did I suddenly become an adult? Or even more so, when did I suddenly make this shift from a single guy with no responsibilities to the head of a household. A provider. A husband.

A father.

So to my sweet daughter Liliana, who is just patiently waiting to join us - I'm excited to see you. I'm excited to hold you. And I'm excited to finally have you here. I'm excited to be a dad.

I don't wonder what you'll be like; I'm already sure you're the most incredible, smart, beautiful, sweet and fun little girl there is. I promise I will do everything I can to be the most amazing dad you could ask for. I'm sure I'll make mistakes and mess up, but know I'm always trying. And where I fail, I'll learn and get better. I promise to work hard to take care of our family and to teach you all the important things you need to know - and any gaps I miss I'm sure you're mother will be happy to fill in. I promise to always be there, no matter what, whenever you need me; whether you're 2, 12, or 35. I promise to always make sure you know just how much you mean to me and how much you and your mom are my world. And I promise you will always know how much I love you. Those are promises I will never break. Pinky swear, no crossies.

Thank you for making me a dad. Thank you for choosing this family. And thank you for giving me this very special day to realize just how fortunate I am.


I'll see you in six weeks.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

:: Should Have Spent My Time a Little Wiser ::

Music: Circa Survive - Blue Sky Noise
Mood: Curious


I've been thinking a lot lately about the convertibility of discipline - I guess to be more specific, what makes that conversion so amazingly difficult? I could be wrong; it may be the easiest thing in the world to convert. Task to task, hobby to hobby, day to day, discipline to discipline. It very well might be an exchangeable skill that you just slip on - like switching from running shoes to flip-flops. That absolutely could be case... but if so, it's news to me.

I could be alone in this endeavor; this could be an inner frustration that I'm trying to tackle, one person out of six billion, but call me crazy for thinking that's not the case, at least not from what I see on a daily basis, both in people I know and in myself.

In some areas of my life, I'm incredibly disciplined. Take, for example, fitness. For whatever reason, 5 years ago I got tired of being fat and realized I was slowly creeping up towards the 300lb mark, so I just decided to get in shape. I changed my eating habits and got a gym membership and have made it to the gym 3-5 times a week nearly EVERY week ever since. Five years. No questions asked. It's a part of my day. I make time for it like I would any thing else - I am disciplined about it.

But in other areas of my life, well, sometimes I'd be lucky to muster up 1/4 of the discipline I show to staying healthy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't know how to work hard, because that's not the case. What I'm saying though is there seems to be a difference between the ability to work hard at a specific task or job and the ability to take the discipline you "mastered" on one particular part of your life and then convert it to any other part of your life. Hard work and discipline are related, but not the same... kinda like cousins.

I know people in my life who are so unbelievably disciplined at some things, yet are as flaky as it can be on others. I take that back, flaky isn't the word for it. They're just not committed to the cause. For whatever reason, that same discipline that they mastered to accomplish a certain goal, task, or challenge doesn't seem to make the bus for other goals, tasks, or challenges. But why? They obviously know how to work hard. They obviously know how to get things done and show the time, effort, dedication and discipline to accomplish great things - or, I suppose, some great things. So why can't they just convert it to any other cause they're after? It should be that easy, right?

But is that really the case? Is it really that simple? Maybe the way I was looking at it; that discipline is like some running shoe that can slipped on and off at will, as long as the person wearing it has the same size foot... Well, maybe that's not the case at all. That would assume that it doesn't matter what the situation/need is; one size should fit all. But we all know life is never that simple.

A running shoe could be the best shoe you have... for running. But that doesn't mean it's the best shoe to match your three piece suit, or to wear snorkeling. Just because it fits on your fit and might have the same function as other shoes - at least on a basic level of protecting your feet - doesn't mean it's the same thing. Like I said, think cousins here.

I guess in some ways I see the idea of discipline as a part of a certain task, hobby or goal. More of a verb than a noun. You learn to develop it, you learn to strengthen it and you learn to really control it for whatever it is you're applying it to. It's what you do with with a certain task, hobby or goal. But that doesn't mean you can just switch it over to any task when needed. I wish it were that easy, but I just haven't seen the evidence to support it. There are traits that make up discipline - traits like hard work, dedication, commitment, passion, drive, etc, but they are individual traits. They aren't a packaged deal, which would explain why it's not as easy as I assume it should be.

Discipline, in anything, takes time to develop because it has to come from a deep desire - one that is truly motivating and driving. And if that's the case, the factors that drive that motivation, which ultimately helps increase the other factors that all build up to discipline, well, those factors are different and unique to each scenario. Obviously, you build off of each success and your belief in yourself to achieve grows, but, in a lot of ways, you have to relearn discipline for each new goal, task, endeavor or challenge.


So if that's the case, maybe I should stop writing and get disciplining... practice makes perfect, right?

Friday, April 2, 2010

:: Here, You Can Be Anything ::

Music: Jimmy Eat World - Just Watch the Fireworks
Mood: Excited

From an old blog of mine... dated January 25th, 2004. Amazing how well it fits to my life six years later.

"What can you write when it feels as if there isn't a single word or phrase that can describe how you are feeling? As if there is no way to truly convey all of the emotions, ideas and thoughts you are experiencing...

I suppose nothing. You are left with the thoughts in your head, knowing that trying to write them out wouldn't do those feelings any justice. They would only lessen the entire experience. And sometimes, well I guess sometimes that is how it should be.


There's a reason thoughts came before written word... to ensure endless descriptions."



Life. Is. Changing.



And I can't wait.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

:: Late Night Thought Process ::

Mood: Sleepy... question mark?
Music: Saosin - In Search of Solid Ground

It's almost one forty-five in the morning as I start this... Every now and then I get in these moods where I just don't feel like sleeping. I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I have work in the morning... for all intents and purposes I should be asleep, but instead, I'm talking to myself through a keyboard and being kept company by music because everyone else is smart enough to know that 1:45am is not a time you should be still be up... Oh well.

As always, there is plenty on my mind, but instead of that being freeing - an invitation for my mind to let loose and allow my fingers to whirl across the keyboard - it seems all those thoughts have created a log jam and all I can keep thinking about is all the reasons I need stop start sleeping more... well done Nico. Well done.

Ok, maybe that's not all I can think about - I'm shocked at how quickly this pregnancy is going... we're past the half way point. There are about four full months before Lily comes to join us. I'm sure those months are going to fly past - between Abbie graduating in April, then our trip to London/Paris in May and everything else planned this summer, I swear it's going to be a matter of blinks before I'm holding my little girl.

Wow.

My little girl... talk about a thought having more power when spoken/written. It still hits me here and there. That kind of, "this is really happening" feeling. It's intense. I'm really excited that she's the one joining us - I like have "my girls". It definitely has started to hit me what that means though. There is a sense of responsibility a father has with his daughters that I think is very different than with his sons. Don't get me wrong, regardless of the gender, there is responsibility. I guess I just feel a greater sense of pressure or responsibility to make sure I get it all right. It's made me rethink and refocus my thoughts, energy and attention in all aspects of my life from how I spend my time, to how I treat others to how hard I work. I wonder if I would have had that same paradigm shift if it was Nico Jr. joining us right now instead of Lily... who knows.

Any way, life is staying very busy and I'm enjoying that. Like I said, the idea of become a dad has changed a lot for me - especially with work. It's made all the stories I hear about families hit a bit closer to home because I can't help but think "what if that was my family, or one of my friends!?".

So, in that sense, I'm loving what I do more and more each day. It's hit a nerve with me and it's something that I am very passionate about, which makes it that much more fun to do. On a daily basis I'm seeing the effects (both positive and negative) of proper planning for families. It's heartbreaking when things go wrong and people - whether out of procrastination or an invincibility complex - never took the time or thought to make sure everything would be ok if there were to pass unexpectedly. It's an awful, awful thing to experience, but it happens more than people realize. On the flip side though, I've also now had the opportunity to hear first hand story after story of things going well, and seeing how differently that made the situation for the family in the event of a death. So in that sense, I'm loving playing that "coach" role for people when it comes to their finances and planning ahead. It's something that people don't really like to think/talk about, but once it's all taken care of - once a plan is in place - it's amazing to see the shift in their mood. I see it all the time - like a huge weight was taken off their shoulders. It's a lot of fun to watch that process and I feel grateful for the opportunity to be involved in it with them. Who knew finances and insurance could be so fun lol, but here I am day after day stoked to get up for work, so I'm happy about that.

I'm still learning though to get comfortable talking to people I know about what I do just because I don't want to be seen as "that guy". It's a delicate balance between knowing that if I really believe in what I'm doing - which I do - and wanting to make sure the people I care about are prepared for anything life throws at them then I need to not be afraid to talk to them about everything, yet still respecting their agency to make their own decisions, while at the same time trying to be an advocate for the benefits of proper planning. Like I said, delicate balance. I hear enough stories on a daily basis that it makes me want to run up to everyone I know and grab them and tell them what they need to do because I would never want to wonder "what if" if something happened and I never took the time to sit down with them. So that's been a big thing for me lately - respecting that line while also trying to help people out and doing my job.

Any way - kind of a tangent there... It's now 2:15. Not sure how that take me a half hour to write? Oh yeah, I'm weird about my writing that way. Again, well done Nico.

There's a lot more I could write about, but I think it really is time to get to sleep... But over all, life is great. I am blessed beyond measure and I realize that on a daily basis.


Now if I could only figure out why I never feel like sleeping anymore...

Monday, March 1, 2010

:: Sacrifices vs. Mastery ::

Music: HORSE the Band - Arrive
Mood: Curious


I remember someone once told me to become a master at any one thing, you'll inevitably sacrifice your skill level or dedication in another. Honestly, I can't remember who it was. I may have read it. I may have been told it by a friend or professor - really, I don't even recall when I heard it. But it's always stuck with me. And lately, it's been on my brain a lot actually.

The other night I was browsing youtube and watching the following videos of a guitarist I really admire; Andy McKee.



As I sat there watching, I thought to myself, wow... I wish I could play like that. And then it sort of hit me - if I wanted to, I really could. But somewhere along the road I chose to put my time elsewhere.

Let me explain - I really feel I was born with a gift or affinity for music. Since I was very young I have been captivated by the power of a well written song or melody. When I decided to start playing an instrument at 12 years old, it came pretty naturally. I never took formal lessons, never played in a cover band, never sat behind a lesson book. I picked up a bass or a guitar and tried to mimic what I heard or recreate what I saw other great guitarists do (thank you for the guidance Aaron) and dedicated my time and energy for the next seven years to being a rockstar. But, this isn't about me as a musician, or whether or not I REALLY had an innate gift for music. Not at all actually.

Rather, it's me just pondering about what we become verses what we could have been verses what we dedicate our time to. And none of those thoughts with an ounce of regret or disappointment. What natural skills or talents we end up putting on the back burner to focus on other things...

When I sat back and thought about it all, that quote - that mystery quote that I really can't attribute to any time or person - came right to the forefront of my mind. If you truly want to be a master at something, you'll be lacking in other areas. Really, that may or may not be true - but I really believe it. No one is so well rounded that they could truly consider themselves a master of all, or even most things.

In fact, I doubt anyone would have the time necessary to do that. Studies have shown that excellence at a complex task requires a minimum level of practice, and experts have settled on 10,000 hours as the magic number for true expertise. This theory is referenced in the book Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, a book I mentioned in a previous post, but for a different reason.

In it he explains, "In study after study, of composers, basketball players, fiction writers, ice-skaters, concert pianists, chess players, master criminals, this number comes up again and again. Ten thousand hours is equivalent to roughly three hours a day, or 20 hours a week, of practice over 10 years… No one has yet found a case in which true world-class expertise was accomplished in less time. It seems that it takes the brain this long to assimilate all that it needs to know to achieve true mastery."

I'm sure many would debate this theory, but story after story has shown it to hold up pretty well to most criticism. But again, this post isn't about theories or studies.

What do we give up in order to become who we want to be?

Because no matter what, somewhere, there has to be a trade off. A very successful musician may be a terrible athlete. A fantastic athlete may be a mediocre scholar. A stellar scholar may lack strong social skills - or social experiences. I've seen this dozens of times. In fact, it was this exact concept that made me walk away from music as a career. I remember sitting and talking to Tim Mahoney, the guitarist for 311, at a party in LA and he mentioned to me that over the last two years he hadn't been home for more than two months at a time...

To be a famous (or expert/mastery level) musician, he had sacrificed a home life.

But it's not to say there is a right or wrong choice in all of these situations. To him, that was the best choice - it was him following his passions and living his dreams. I respect the hell out of that. No one should live a passionless life.

It's an interesting concept though - both the time "necessary" to truly become an expert or master at any given skill, trade, sport or business, and the sacrifice in other areas you will inevitably make in order to achieve the level of mastery you desire.

I still wish, at times, that I could play like Andy McKee, or write amazing songs like my good friend Aaron (the song he wrote for his wife has over 140 plays on my ipod... it's incredible), but I also know that I have other desires, and for me at least, those desires require my time to be spent elsewhere... turning my love of music into a hobby, instead of a mastery.

But I suppose what it boils down to is following your passion, but doing so with a sense of raw honesty with yourself about what is important to you - because it's very easy to loose track. I guess that's what they mean when they talk about staying grounded. Any passion or pursuit of mastery can overtake all our time, energy and focus if we don't keep ourselves in check on what means the most to us.

It gets me thinking - especially as it pertains to the balance between my professional life and my home life. I've set some pretty high expectations for myself, some major feats I've set out to conquer - and I plan to conquer them all. But, I hope as my life in both of those arenas continue to get busier and busier, I can stay balanced. I don't want to sacrifice one for the other - in either direction.


Like I said - interesting concept...